Conviction comes with a price...

I've been suffering for far too long. Who do I blame? Others... 'her'... ill-fate... God sometimes... but not myself. But how can it be when it seems that I'm just a victim of circumstances??? It's hard not to blame myself. It takes humility, selflessness... It takes conviction, deep conviction...

A conviction so deep that I fear has come! A conviction that I am to be blamed for my own suffering. What a blow! What a blow to my own ego! What happened to it's not me?! It's just the circumstances that I'm in... :(

I could continue being like this for a long, long time, but it's been far too long! Too long that I've got to put a stop on it! I'm FED UP! I'm @#$@#$@##@ FED UP! I'm finally coming to terms that I'm to be blamed. My past comes to haunt me... All my mistakes... They have suddenly come to an abrupt stop and are pilling up on me!



Thank God there's grace... Grace that enables me to be as human as I am... Grace that says that we're allowed to be human...

BUT, conviction comes with a price. This isn't the end... There're sacrifices and with that comes suffering... BUT with grace, there is HOPE! Hope that I'm finally pointing my feet to the right direction! The direction to the destiny that God has for me! What other choices do I have?! I can't continue being the way I am... I'll end up a loner, beaten and full of regrets!

I'm leaving this life and I'll pull my 'sorry arse' through! I want to change!